Just a quick note to keep u peeps updated.
Life can be a bot shit some times and is currently trying its best to put me on my arse, im determind for that not to happen , but its kinda hard when you go flying down your stairs feet first. lol i admit they got me that time but i did get back up and hobble back to my bedroom.
Apart from lifes downs my Spirtual Life has been getting much better. I am again workikng in unison with the universe pulling souls together and initiating contacts. i have met a new friend i say new in the loses of terms realy as i have none this guy for centerys, we have been together through many lifes. he came into my life when i realy needed a friend and someone to talk to. the universe answered with someone i trusted and knew instantly.
We met on a bench on new walk. and instantly started talkikng, i felt totaly at home with this guy and i had only just met him, when we got talking i realised we had so many things in commnet and shared many of the same journeys. and the thing that realy set this appart from other meetings is the fact that i had to go to an appointment and said ile be back in 30 mins if he`s still there we will continue our chat.
When i had got back from meeting he was still on the bench and as i was sitting down he said i have got a present for you, and i held out my hand and he droped a snowflake obsidion into my hands. and said happy birthday, as it was muy birthday a few days before.
This is realy strange for a man to gie me a crystal and it was so spot on, as it was the stone that i realy need at the time for my back pains.
ME and damion have realy bonded of the last week or so, its like i have known him for years, the universe realy done me a favour, its not ofter you get to me a realy soul friend and when them times come you have to take full use of it.
I have made a new song its rather kick ass if i may say so myself. lots anew stuff to come. The Band,The group, to the spirtual community that is now forming.
MAny paths of the stars are in motion.
Wow its been awile since i wrote My journal.
So much has happened i dont know where to start. so i guess i will start with me :)
I haver Had a hair cut!!!! yes i know drastic messures, but i needed a chage to the way i looked and i have not had a skinhead as i would normaly do, i have a nice spikey look that feels realy good and is easy to take care of, i guess i wanted to get away from my old self as im almost ready for re-Birth.
Alot of thinks have come together im learning loads of important life lessons and Teaching them.
Its good to back To my Self and doing what i was put here to do.
The Main Lession I am Learning is about Pasiants or hopw every you sp[ell waiting for along time for something to happen. lol
i have been going out with paula for a good few months now and its realy going well. we are saving to get a place together when we can.
I know were my tarot cards whent now. and they will only bring the taker bad luck as they have been fused with my energy.
This time last year things were realy starting to go wrong Bex was starting to get more and more depressed and i was getting worse myself. lookikng for a way to escape my life.
I have come so far from the point now its scary, i dont want to go back to that way of life ever again.
I am going to set up a group in leicester running from the Source. its time to get back into teaching and sharing the energy. this will run in the day time for now.
I have a new student who is a very gifted healer who has finished her level one now and will be starting level 2 very soon.
I have even started fishing again along the river, and have cought some wonderful leicester chub.
i will post a new pic of myself v-soon.
Apr. 10th, 2006 @ 11:07 am
What a weekend!!! I have been doing a new photoshoot and have some wicked new pictures to play with. Im going to set to work on some new ideas and get some things rolling, my printer is workikng again so im able to start building a new portfolio of my work.
I also spent alot of the time doing healing work. i am slowly getting back into what i was all about. its funny how you can see clearly when the clouds have gone.
I have learned a whole lot from theses experiances, I have learned that you cannot help everyone and there are limits and i also have limits to what i am able to do, my problem is i take on to much of other peoples pain and problems and try and sort them single handledly.
I must stop trying to do this as it leads me into problems and i end up losing control because i cant handdle all of the emotion and pain. I am able to transmute alot of the negertive energy but there are limits.
I have found my limits and i have set myself healthy boundaries of where i wont cross, the memories of the past year are begining to fade, it all seems like it happen in a dream along time ago, by someone other than me, i have chnage so much i cant belive it myserlf. I am not the same person i was 3 months ago, i am a new being i am almost re-born.
The sun is shineing and so am I.
Love has returned to my life, i allways knew it would! it was only a matter of time.! i have an atunmet to do in a coupple of weeks at beltaine.
Let the fires of life grow and flow and let spring clean my soul of the dark winter, lifes to short to sit in dipair, its allways darkest just before the dawn.!!!
Apr. 6th, 2006 @ 01:02 pm
Yesterday was a realy good day, the sun was shining for most of the day it was bright but still rather chilly.
I met paula down the cannel to do some photos of the sunset and also do some some sketching, the sunset was wonderfull and realy perple, i got some realy nice shots, paula was workikng on a sketch for her latest water colour.
We stayed till it was dark and then whent round to visit seara as she was having some spiritual problems and needed a hand sorting them out, i whent to a little part of alystone that i have never been to before, it was realy old and beautyful, the house seara is staying in has a few problems with spirits and they needed taking care of.
Its realy good to have two new female friends, i like spending time with paula and sera there a good laugh and spirtual as well with it.
The universe sure knows what its doing and has guided me to them, paual is giving me support with my problems as well, and knows whats going on in my life and is not judgmental and understands alot about me.
she is just starting on the path of light, where as seara is fully submerged on the path and is somewhat drowing in all the energy.
She has it realy hard at the moment and is going through alot of death journeys and personal inner work and feels she is being attacked left right and centere, i proformed a good clensing of her place and sealed it shut, but she still seemed to be having problems. I think she maybe a bit skitso, but thats also a sign of psycic ability, there is a fine line between madness and spirituality.
I found my Reiki manuel yesterday and have started to practice my excersises again and get myself ready to teach.
I am enjoying what life has to offer me now, things may be hard still but they are getting better day by day.
Apr. 3rd, 2006 @ 12:03 pm
tonight is jam night at the musicain Pub, im going down there tonight with Adi and Paula. Adi is going to play for us tonight on stage, i like it when adi plays i have been listning to him for awile now and he has got so much better.
The weekend was wonderfull i had a realy excelent time I got aload of music done and lots of art. a realy productive time. Its lush love next weekend and im looking forwered to it as i have not been out in ages to a club, if you could call it a club, its more like a large bar than anything.
Anna has now took over the running of the club and there are lots more people who go there now. so there is a realy good croud, its the only alternative night realy in leicester. I have invited a few of my new friends to come down as well so it should be a good giggle.
Its funny how the universe works at the point of nothing everything starts to come together in a new and brighter way. I have a new student on the horison this they have told me. i must be getting better if there askikng me to teach again. I will follow were the winds of spring may take me and taste the fruit of life and drink from the foutain of immortality again.
Life pays up :)
|» Spring In the Air|
spring is in the air at last the sun is trying to shine and the cherry tree outside our flat has started to come into blossem, you can realy feel the walth returning.!! its been a long hard winter and i look forwared to the summer it should be good this year with new starts and beginings.|
I am so happy i have my cat Mystic she is realy cool and has been threre for me throughout, she can be a pest sometimes and drive me up the wall, but i dont think i could be without her now, we have been through alot together.
My life seems to be realy takikng a step for the better now, things have been hard these last weeks but im am defantly on the up.!!
I can feel spring in my bones and a streing in my loins its defantly the seanson to mate.
I am alone for the time being and thats how i will stay, untill the universe decides otherwise im following there plan.
|» Feedom is just another word for nothing left to lose|
Well its finaly over and i can move on without hesitation.|
I performed a clensing last night and removed etheric links to old people in my life.
I was finaly able to let them all go without remorse. it was good feeling and i feel alive and chipper as ever today.
The universe is allways right. when were are ready for the new the new will arivive as it has now.
I had a jam at adis yesterday with him and a new friend. it was realy good to hear some good old fation music and singing and i felt realy at home with everyone and everything.
My meeting with the Arts board yesterday whent well i know know more of whats out there for artists and it looks like its going to have to be an aplication to the Arts council to get my project underway.
Never mind i like a good challange.
I give thanks to the universe for briniing me throught this.
|» The time has come|
Im nerves are through thr roof today, i have a meeting at ten this morning about my funding options for the project i want to set up, its good few hours, i only just got my paperwork done without a table was a right pain in the ass workikng of the bed. but hay I like a challange.|
If i can get this project started then i will be realy happy, i will have somthing realy concrete to get my teeth into. it may turn out to be no help but at least i will of tryed, and thats all one can do.
I feel kinda strange today like somthing is missing, but i dont know what.
I have not heard a word form bex for weeks only her mum who said nothing at all about her , i got an email a few weeks ago asking me for her stuff and not much else and saying, do what you have to do it get well, basicaly it was saying i want my stuff back and fuck off if your not coming over now.
All because i needed extra time to get myself sorted out.?
I thought our relationship was much stronger than that, I thought she loved and cared about me, but how very wrong i was in that respect, its like a replay of 96 all over again, when i went to spain for someone i loved and gave up everything for them only to have it fall around my ears because the relashonship was not strong enough to support us both.
I allmost made the same mistake again, i was going to give up everyone i knew all my friends family and children to be with her, I thought she was worth it. I felt it coming when she dumped me on msn and gave me loads of abuse, this scared me as i knew i could not be there to help her through what she was going through, i knew my time left was limited, I would of thought after almost 2 years that we were close friends and that even if she dident want me any more she would have the dececy to tell me even if it was aload of abuse, but im not even worth an email to let me know what going on,
After her mother and aunt raided my room I got the message loud and clear i was not wanted or respected by her or her familily they cared more about there table then me. even if but some small chance i have got this all wrong. I could not face her mum or dad again not after they whent through all my things, i am wondering if bex will be told i have someone else and my room was full of dressess and the like.
I can imagein what whent through her mums head as she was going through my things.
I feel so imbaressed about being what i am and who i am, the false breast would of been a dead giveaway lol ooo im cringing now at the thought of them in my room.
this will be my last post about her and her familiy and my relasonship with them as its clearly over now and there is nothing i can do about it, except repair my broken heart and move on with my life and hope she has found happyness out in spain.
Its time to go! and take my next step into the future.
love and light
Last night was one of the worst i have had for along wile. I was going out to see adi last night and start some work ideas about my arts meeting on thersday, and i got a call 15 mins before i was due to go out for my girlfriends mother, i have been expecting the call since last thersday and kinda worrying about the whole thing. she was due to come round and collect some things that my girlfriend had left with me for safe keeping.|
I had fathfully done my duty and looked after her journals and personal effects without so much as reading any of them, i found everything she had asked for including leads cd`s et and put them in a bag in the kitchen with her box of things, my friend was going to give them to her mum as i was due to go out.
when i came home last night and whent up to my room i found all my stuff all over the floor and the table and chair and mystics blanket were gone.!! the table and chair and blanket were not mine they blonged to my girlfriends mums sister who dident have room for them and were just gathering dust in her garage. The blank was mystics comfort blanket that she slept on every night on the chair next to my bed, it was one of the things form our old house that she remebered and like, it was hand made i think.
I would of had no problem in sorting the desk and chair out for her mum, as i had allready moved house and took it with me for safe keeping it wasent like i was going to sell it. But she dident say anything on the phone but chose to do it when i wasent there, should couldent even show me the cortasy to say thanks for looking after it, but felt she needed to go behind my back to get it.
This has upset me the most, that she dient even give me any notice that she wanted the table and chair and blanket but saw fit to go through my room and my personal blongings and take stuff away, when i wasent there, i had all manner of things in them draws and stuff out in my room and as a result one of my hard drives i was looking at for a client got put on top of a speeker and is no no use at all now costing around £50 to replace.
I realy think they are ungratfull and decitfull and lack backbone for not askikng me on the phone, did they realy think i would put up a fight over a table? Her mum saidd that one of her folks was in the hospital thats why her dad couldnt come, its a good job realy as god knows what he would of thought going through my things.
This will teach me about doing things for other people, i should of just left everything at the other house and not bothered, if i had known they would of done this to me that thats exactly what i would of done, but im to nice for that,and that is my problem all over.
This whole thing is now finished and i can finaly lay this all to rest and move on with my life, as that is clearly what Bex and her familly are doing and have made it loud and clear withoutout saying anything how feel about me.
Im realy sorry it has come to this, i never wanted it to end this way. But it has and there is nothing i can do about it, except let it all go and learn from my mistakes and let the universe guide me.
as i finshing writing this i close the chapter of my past and turn over to a new page of life.
Love is the law
Love under will
|» Sad News|
My Best Friend Adrian has not been very well, there is nothing new in that but things have been getting worse for him. as he now has an ulser and the doctor said he should not be gettting them at his age. and sent him for more test as he susspects there is somthing seriously wrong with him, the test results came back yesterday and it looks like he has got some liver dammage and needs to go to the hospital for some more tests as it has turned out to be serious after all.|
I feel so sorry for him as he is all on his own with no one to care for him except me when i have the time.
I going to speek to him about some healing sessions to see if i can help with his problems, im realy worried about him and dont want nothing bad to happen to him as he has been a good friend for many years and i dont have many good friends like adi and i dont want to loose him.
I need all my frinds at the moment as these are hard times ahead and we all need to be strong in times of trial and tribulation. I am slowly putting myself back together bit by bit day by day i am getting stronger, and when i finaly rize once again from the ashes of my past. I shall command the skys to be blue and the wind to blow true and carry me swift to my next destination.